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Confessions of a Mistress: Cathrine Goldstein Spills About Her Decade As a Kept Woman
Before the kids, the husband and the house in Long Island, Cathrine Goldstein, controversial author of Sleeping with Mortals: The Story of a New York Mistress, was a bad girl.
A young beauty queen from the Middle of Nowhere, USA, she hit the big city at 18 craving a lifestyle she could not afford. Just what would it take to dine at Le Cirque?
You've heard this story so many times you can fill in the blanks by yourself. She meets wealthy older men, they throw jewels at her, she throws orange peels at them, and voila! Happily ever after in a Park Avenue penthouse whose rent is paid in cash.
That's where you're wrong...
It didn't take long for Cathrine, or her alter-ego in her new book, Victoria Messing, to realize the harsh realities of mistress life. Which is a good thing, because the normal shelf-life of these women isn't more than age 24 or so.
"You feel like a goddess, seducing these men. But you quickly realize that you're no more important than a blow-up doll," she writes.
Ouch.
The first thing that Cathrine wants you to know is that she is sincerely sorry for any harm her young dalliances may have caused. The second thing is that she was not targeting married men per se. "To get that lifestyle you need a certain aged man," she confesses.
Finally, Cathrine places herself on a rather modest spot on the femme fatale continuum. On an escalating stiletto-heel graph, Cathrine may not have been the wife, but she was no prostitute either.
Those ladies made way more than she did.
If anything, Cathrine's book exposes the modern, Manhattan man who has everything. And yes, some of them used to expose themselves to her. Read on.
MyDaily: Why did you choose to do this when you moved to NYC? Why not just get a job?
I did have jobs! Many of them. But I was looking for a lifestyle that I could not attain for myself at the age of 18, 19 or 20. I didn't set out to become a mistress (unlike my character Victoria Messing!) I was attracted to older, wealthy, powerful men and the lifestyle of fine dinners and expensive cars that they could offer me. It just happened that some of the men I dated were married. And I did not date married men exclusively. I dated many single men as well.
It's a demure lifestyle. You are not leading this crazy lifestyle. You are committed to one man. He's careful about giving money. It's an ego thing -- to keep an eighteen-year-old happy. It's all a big fiction. Everything we did was living in fiction. A young woman is with him because he's so exciting? It's a huge misconception.
So how do men view the mistresses they're with?
Mistresses are not kept women. There are three categories of women: 1) girlfriends or wives, 2) mistresses, and 3) prostitutes. Men who deal with mistresses have the wives. They're often happy, just looking for an accessory. They've got the Hamptons house but want the next best thing. A young girlfriend. But they do not want a prostitute.
Did you ever think of the wives?
When I was very young the wives really never entered the picture. Most of the time if you are a mistress, the man has had a mistress before you and is an expert at keeping his life with you separate from his life with his wife and family.
The wife never comes up in conversation -- she is not talked about between the husband and mistress. Very often the man loves his wife! He is simply looking for the next possession -- he has the car and the houses -- the mistress is that next possession. Of course, I am sincerely sorry if my actions and the actions of the men I dated ever hurt anyone!
And let me also add -- many married men have wives who are fully aware that they have a mistress!
What does "kept" mean? What is the biggest financial windfall you ever got from one of the men?
Well I certainly wasn't kept! I needed to make my own money. Victoria writes her "rules" for being a mistress, and Number 4 on her list is "Be independently wealthy!" The big gifts are usually jewelry. Bracelets, not rings. The payoff is leading the lifestyle. One bracelet in particular, I was very surprised by its worth when I went to sell it. Victoria -- the character in my book -- the bracelet that she got was gaudy. She says, "But gaudy is not a synonym for cheap." Really it's more the intangibles. And it's exciting.
How would you feel if your daughters followed the same path?
Did I ever mean to hurt anyone? Of course not. If I did I'm extremely sorry. I did not break any laws nor make any vows. I was young and single. If it made her happy that would be something. It's not like being a prostitute. I would wish better for her, but it is not a path that you can't come back from.
How is hum-drum suburban Long Island life? Are you bored to tears?
It's the greatest thing I've ever known! So much more fulfilling. I was always looking for the next thing because I was never happy. When you do marry the right man and have your children, it's the greatest feeling in the world. I do miss an expensive meal out with my husband with babysitting!
What if your husband took a mistress?
It wouldn't be the happiest day of my life, but every good relationship is a leap of faith. I strongly believe that the men who cheat will cheat. It doesn't matter. And if your man is not a cheater, then he won't. They either are or aren't.
There is this idea of a woman who pulls a man away from his wife, and it's just not true. A man decides that he will cheat first and then finds a woman. Cheating would not be a dealbreaker for me. I know what I have, and I know what it's like to be on the other side. I know what's not there. You don't throw something real away.
Was the lifestyle dangerous at all? Were you ever caught or confronted by a wife?
No, I was not. The men are experts at this. They know how to wheel and deal. When you're uptown, they're downtown. When you're downtown, they're uptown...
When did you realize that you had seductive powers?
Victoria felt like Aphrodite. You feel like a goddess seducing these men, but you quickly realize you are no more important than a blowup doll. Women do not need to fear the mistress. They do not wield the power. You really don't have power. You think you do but you realize you can be traded in at a moment's notice. Victoria learns this, too. You are never the first. If a man tells you you're the first mistress, there's always more that have come before.
What's your favorite part of your book?
Well, a favorite line is when Victoria looks at Doctor Fifth Avenue and tells him she's nineteen. Not legally old enough to drink. Then she says, "I was suddenly aware that I was approximately as close to Pampers as he was to Depends."
Do you come from a religious background?
No, religion was not a part of my upbringing. But you take marriage vows before God and church. And those vows I take seriously.
Could you always write?
It kind of found me. I started in acting school and became a playwright and director. Then I had children. And then I realized that my story's time had come. It's time to write it.
What do you want to tell our readers?
First of all, there's this great book trailer on YouTube directed by Dante Russo, starring Cadden Jones as Victoria.
And I'd like to remind them that it is a fun read which is a work of fiction! It's important to know that I did not set out to hurt anyone. These are lessons learned by me and Victoria Messing. I sincerely believe that all women of all stages will enjoy this book. The book is meant to be fun. It's not meant to be a morality play. But it does have some truth behind it. It's a woven fabrication of many truths.
I blow the cover off this secrecy -- you think it's all glamorous, but it's really not.
Stephanie Block is an award-winning writer, editor, blogger, Tweetress and all around social media maven. She can toast and gamble in many languages and makes a career out of traveling and telling. Her global shopping secrets have been featured in Marie Claire magazine, and she's edited and contributed to books on travel and progressive politics. She was also almost eaten by a leopard in Tanzania. When she isn't sipping champagne on far-flung coasts or leaping away from leopards in Tanzania, Stephanie is proud to serve on the Board of Directors for SparkSF.org, JFNA's National Young Leadership Cabinet, and the Advisory Board of Netroots Nation. Her favourite colour (if we are being Euro about it) is pink.We're looking for more tales from real-life mistresses: Have you ever been a mistress? Or found out your husband had one? If so, we'd love to hear all about it. MyDaily will be publishing true-life stories in (dubious) honor of National Mistress Day, February 13th, and yours could be one of them. Click here to find out more.
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Add a Comment
She was, and still is a Prostitute. Only now instead of selling her body, she write
a book to make money off of having sold her body, not caring that one day
her children will know she was a Prostitute.
The woman has no morals.
Wow, everyone has an opionion about her book & so she wrote about a portion of her life she spent being young & foolish & yes she learned the hard way that some married men will cheat & yes, he will treat you just like the next conquest of owning a new toy to add to his list of being an accomplished educated idiot. I am sure she has her regrets about this lesson in life but hey that is her past & her future is ahead of her. Yes, she said she was sorry for hurting the wife but keep in mind most men married or not if offered sex by a young good looking woman they'll say Yes as fast as the word can roll off there tongue married or not. Find out for yourselves by going out to a bar with young people in it & drink enough alcohol & surely you find yourself being seduced.
Yes, in her lifetime what she did will come back to haunt her in one way or another. Hopefully she has paid the piper his due all ready if not well it will be waiting for her which will be sad moment but paid in full.
So back off with being cruel comments & read open your mind & think about your youth & how you spent it & what lesson's you learned weather they were good, bad or indifferent from what society deams "normal." In Japan it is normal for married men to have a mistress when the wife gets old. Look that one up read open your mind to what is out there in different cultures.
An open mind goes far & soul learns from the heart.
Who are any of you to judge without knowing the entire story both sides of it.......we only get one chance at life and happiness and yes sometimes people get hurt but 2 people who stay together for the sake of the kids may not be doing again anything but something to hurt their children....there is so much sadness, dysfunction and hurt in this world due to living with a partner who does not meet our need or a situation that is hurtful or even unsafe for us.......we all can adjust to change if we try and care about the adults and children involved and can form 2 new happy families if we want to......we need to stop placing blame and face the problems head on and allow everyone involved to be happy and judging is not the way to do it...children love both parents if they are worthy of that love and watching their parents judge one another negatively and speaking badly of one another (ie: whore, slut, prostitute) when maybe both parties should look at themselves and what is behind the need of one or the other to seek another person to fulfill the needs their spouse is not meeting as I believe there is a breakdown somewhere and they both know if being honest with one another and the children suffer not because one or the other of their parents cheat but because they aren't adult and strong enough to see the truth and work through it or get out with positive feedback not negativity....calling one another bad names , never showing affection toward one another yelling at each other yet again teaching another generation that, that is the way we love......maybe this author is trying to make money not like she is the first one to air their dirty laundry to get money their are those people in this world and always will be but is that really the issue here.......in my opinion it isn't and I realize it is just my opinion and yes I have my story as well and feel no need to defend myself or air my dirty laundry other than to say no one has a right to judge unless they know all the details of the situation and why and how it became.......I believe that everything happens for a reason and in the beginning they seem terrible and in the end not so much and I also believe it is gods will not ours and sometime hurt and unwanted change is how we grow god is the one in charge of everything that happens in our lives and it is always for a reason whether we understand it or not and yep sometimes they hurt and seem cruel but I still believe its gods will and we are exactly where we are to be when we are there like it or not.
February 18 2011 at 8:21 PM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Replythis women is all wrong in her assessment of a mistress..it doesn't always happen that way..however, everyone's relationship is different...people cheat for various reasons...that's the truth..some want an accessory, some want sex, some want attention, some want their egos stroked, some have sexual addiction issues, some want love..yeah i said it..they actually want love and to be treated nicely..and some men really are just dogs or cheaters ...and some wives are mean to their husbands after they get them and lock them down..some women change and become unattractive and the men step out...i mean it's reality..it happens...i'm not saying it's right but i'm just saying....
February 14 2011 at 4:11 PM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Replysusiestrumpf1960s
February 09 2011 at 9:50 PM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down ReplyShe says that she thinks men aren't "pulled away" by a woman, that he either is or isn't a cheater. I don't think that's necessarily always true, but if that's what she wants to think to make herself feel better about her own marraige, more power to her. Karma's a bi*&ch!
February 06 2011 at 12:29 PM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down ReplyOh did you getyour itty-bitty feelings hurt by the big bad mistress and her story? Grow up and get a grip on life. Half the men posting couldn't manage a mistress and if they go to a prostitute they run the risk of STDs or getting popped by the PD. Prostitutes are in it for the money, you pay, you play and if you don't come back, she doesn't really care.
As for the indignant women, you play the same game, usually with a younger guy and legitimize it by saying you're in a committed "relationship." If you or the other "committer" leaves, it's heartbreak for a week and then you're back out looking for another Mr. GoodBar. Women play the same games as men, it's just easier to hide the affair and if they have the money, to do the lifestyle described in the article.
Getting married for a lot of people is no different than the mistress bit. You expect to be wined, dined, given trinkets, a house etc., and as long as everyone gets what they want, things are wonderful. Let things go bad though and if there are no kids, the wife will file for divorce as fast as men will and they will be looking for another man as soon as the ink is dry, if they weren't already doing it. Face it, there's no shame over divorce anymore, you don't want a kid, you can get an abortion, no questions asked and in 90% of divorces, women get full custody of the kids, child support not spent on the kids and a succession of Uncle Larrys. Yeah, sounds hard, but the facts are the facts. Way too many perfect people weighing in on this woman's character that wouldn't pass the smell test.
OK, so the girl starts out as mistress but when she gets to the 24 or 25 year old milestone she then realizes she is a whore, prostitute, mistress or any other name you would like to use to define her. The only differance is they don't have a pimp........yet!
February 05 2011 at 5:11 PM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down ReplyJust another regular run of the mill whore.
February 05 2011 at 1:06 PM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down ReplyWHATS A CRAP!. I guess AOL has nothing better to write about.
February 05 2011 at 12:44 PM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Reply
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