Hate Being Single this Time of Year? Just Be Glad You're Not Married to One of These Guys

Posted Feb 14th 2011 at 2:24PM by Guest Blogger

Hate being single? Just be glad you're not married to one of the

If you hate being single around Valentine's Day, know that isn't the worst thing that can happen to you. As Auguste Comte, the founder of sociology, tell us, "Gloomy and painful as celibacy is, a bad marriage is much worse."

Comte should know -- he's one of dozens of great thinkers throughout history whose love lives fell far short of their intellectual achievements. So this Valentine's Day, take a moment to thank Cupid that you're not married to any of these guys below.

As the author of "Great Philosophers Who Failed at Love," I can pretty much guarantee you're better off.

greatphilosophersbook.com

A Madman
The aforementioned Comte suffered a nervous breakdown two years into his marriage to Caroline Massin. Unable to read, write, or teach in his addled state, Comte sometimes crouched behind doors like an animal; other times, he simply refused to leave his bed for days or weeks on end. When his wife tried to intervene, he threw knives at her (thankfully, she became an expert at dodging them). They separated three times before Caroline finally left her husband for good.

Hate Being Single? Great Philosophers who failed at love reveals there are worse fates.

greatphilosophersbook.com

A Bore
French pastor John Calvin had just one prerequisite for a bride: speak his language. Literally. In 1540, Calvin dumped his German fiancee after she failed to learn French in time for their wedding. He married a widowed member of his congregation later that year who did speak French ... and they promptly spent their first few weeks together sick in bed. Calvin, believing this was a warning from God that Marriage Is Bad, spent the next nine years of his marriage "trying not to enjoy the married life too fervently." Oh, joy.

greatphilosophersbook.com

A Possessive Prick
When Sophia Behrs hugged her mother on her wedding day, her new husband Leo Tolstoy chastised her: "If leaving your family means such great sorrow to you, then you cannot love me very much." Despite his callousness towards her, Sophia bore him 13 children while he spent his time giving birth to equally massive novels such as the 1,225-page "War and Peace."

greatphilosophersbook.com

A Eunuch
After French tutor Peter Abelard knocked up and married his student, the beautiful Heloïse, he found that playing house took too much time away from his philosophical studies. He shipped his wife and son away, and enjoyed the relative peace and quiet...until Heloïse's vengeful uncle sent a thug to Abelard's bedroom in the middle of the night. The intruder used a knife to clip off Abelard's testicles. Abelard, wounded and humiliated, retreated to a monastery. Although Heloïse often wrote her husband, Abelard refused to see her or their son after "the incident."

greatphilosophersbook.com

A Gambler
Fyodor Dostoyevsky was already an acclaimed novelist when he fell in love with Anna Snitkina, his young assistant. It was only after they were married that Anna learned of her new husband's serious gambling problem that went far beyond scratch-off lottery tickets. Just how bad was it? Well, at one point he ended up pawning her wedding ring to pay off a debt! (She eventually recovered it from the pawnshop.)

Andrew Shaffer, author of Great Philosophers Who Failed at Love Andrew Shaffer is a frequent Huffington Post contributor and creative director of the irreverent greeting card publisher Order of St. Nick. His debut book, "Great Philosophers Who Failed at Love" is available now from Harper Perennial.