Allison Dingus George, 31, Lexington, Ky.

I've been athletic my whole life and swam competitively in college. So I'm no stranger to exercise -- but I also love, and I mean love, food. So when I got pregnant, I took that as a license to eat and really enjoyed myself!

I gained at least 60 pounds -- it was probably more than that, but I asked them to stop telling me toward the end. And my baby only weighed 5 pounds, 14 ounces -- so it was a little overwhelming to realize that around 50 pounds of that weight gain was just going to stay with me.

I also had a C-section, so it was eight weeks before I could even think about working out again. I was exhausted and hormonal and I knew I needed to get back to exercising to feel better about myself, fit into my old clothes and have enough energy to balance taking care of my baby with my job as a fourth grade teacher. But it was pretty daunting -- I wasn't sure I was ready to just jump back into going to the gym, and I didn't know what I'd even be able to do.

Back before I got pregnant, I'd run into a friend who I knew hated to work out -- but she was looking really toned. She introduced me to CrossFit Maximus, a local gym which offers the CrossFit training program. I'd gone a few times but stopped when I got too pregnant to exercise. Once I was able to start walking and jogging, I decided to give it another shot.

CrossFit is based on the premise that anyone -- whether you're completely out of shape or an elite athlete -- can lift weights, sprint, do pull-ups and other core CrossFit exercises. The coaches are on hand to customize the workout in terms of load and intensity to meet any individual's needs. They offer a different "Workout of the Day" every day, so all you have to do is show up -- the coach will guide you through every step of that day's program, modify as necessary to suit your needs and motivate you when you need to push a little harder.

After my first post-pregnancy CrossFit workout, I was so sore I could barely climb a flight of stairs the next day. But I made myself go back, and I had a great time. Now I do CrossFit three to five times per week, depending on my schedule. I lost all of my baby weight in nine months and my clothes fit better than they did before I got pregnant!

I think the reason that CrossFit worked for me is that it offers a real sense of community. You get to know the other regulars because the coaches often pair people up for different exercises. My gym attracts people of all different ages and abilities, so it's awesome that, one day, I might work out with a woman in her 50s and maybe I'm able to help motivate her, and then the next time, I'll get paired with a 23-year-old rock climber who can kick my butt. But people will surprise you with what they can do!
The athlete in me definitely enjoys the friendly competition, but we're also so supportive of one another. There's none of that catty gym attitude -- it's a really healthy atmosphere. People knew that I was coming back after having a baby and a very difficult delivery, and they were so welcoming and offered me so much encouragement. When I first started, I thought "There's no way I can do ten push-ups in a row!" And that was the warm-up. Now that's no big deal.

I'm pretty proud of how far I've come. I'm not one to worry about the number on the scale, but I love feeling good about my body and having the energy I need to get through my day. Not to mention that I really haven't altered my eating habits too much -- so it's great to know I have a workout program that let's me be a foodie and stay healthy and strong.


This story was told to Virginia Sole-Smith by Allison Dingus George. Virginia Sole-Smith is a journalist, soon-to-be licensed esthetician, and author of the blog Beauty Schooled.

Let's face it. If you're a lady, the wide world of pornography can be a little, well, daunting. Enter sex journalist Rachel Rabbit White, author of the blog Rabbit Write and creator of the first-ever Lady Porn Day. (Not to mention our other favorite holiday, No Makeup Week.) We got Rachel to tell us why her new favorite holiday is way better than President's Day.

MyDaily: Hi Rachel! So, what inspired Lady Porn Day?
Rachel Rabbit White: A few years ago, I realized that I wanted to be more comfortable with porn. I wanted to be that girlfriend you could talk about porn with, trade porn with. But I wasn't. I felt awkward about porn and dirty after watching it. I felt jealous when my boyfriend watched porn. So I started to explore these feelings. I explored my past with porn and the feelings that came up when I watched. I started to ask myself, what do I like in porn? What doesn't make me feel icky? In doing this, I allowed myself to find porn that I actually liked. Now, I occasionally use porn as a sort of sex toy. Like a vibrator - it's just another tool to help get you off and it's great! So this is what I'm inviting everyone to do with Lady Porn Day - explore your feelings around porn and talk about what you like.

Why do you think it's so tough for women to explore porn?
First, the majority of porn out there is NOT made for or by women. When we think of "porn," we often think of Internet pop-up sites and close-up shots. It can be daunting to think THIS is what you have to become OK with! But there is porn out there that most women would probably like... it's just kinda hard to find it by Googling "porn I would like."

Yeah. Tried that. Not so SFW.
Exactly. The second thing is that it's not socially OK to explore porn as a woman for the same reason it's not OK for us to explore masturbation. I remember being a teenager, waiting for my first orgasm to come from a boyfriend - because I got the message loud and clear from my friends and from our culture that, "OMG, ew, masturbation is not something girls do." Now post-"Sex and the City," more women know that this is not the case. But it's still taboo for women to watch or talk about porn. It seems, culturally, women are allowed to be objects of desire but not to have our own desires.

And a lot of porn reflects that -- it's all about what guys want.
Yes. The majority of porn is made by men and I think this opens up the question: What is the female gaze? I especially like books by women, music by women and art by women - because I like seeing the world through eyes like mine. I crave this in porn, too, but there aren't a lot of women doing it. Probably because we are so socialized against owning and exploring our sexual desires.

That being said, there are awesome women making hot stuff: Erica Lust, Tristan Taormino, Madison Young and Joanna Angel, to name a few. And, lady-friendly stag can be made by men. Eon McKai is a male porn director who shoots very artsy, slightly ambiguous shots of sex and a lot of hand holding - something I find very lady friendly.

OK, so what's your advice to women who are interested in finding more of that type of porn? How do we get started?
I can remember back in college, typing "lesbian porn" and "cute girls" into Google. Don't go there. That was a rookie mistake. Instead, ask for recommendations from bloggers, friends, significant others, or someone whose aesthetic you trust. Tell them what you know you like and ask where to go from there. The Lady Porn Day "Jilling Off Hall of Fame" is a great place to start browsing as is Violet Blue's blog, where she often recommends porn.

There are still a lot of women who are going to say, no thanks, porn just doesn't turn me on. What do you think that's about?
I don't want to glamorize liking porn, I want to empower the girls who do like it, without erasing the voice of those who don't. For the girls who don't, maybe porn really isn't for them and that is OK. But I do think it's important to explore why - what don't you like, and why don't you like it? Then I'd suggest that women explore what they do like. Maybe "porn" isn't for you, but erotic is, or softcore is. If you end up not liking any porn, it's OK. You can be totally pro-sex without liking porn!

It's interesting that most guys have no problem admitting they watch porn, whether they're talking to women or to male friends. But many women have such a hard time talking about this, even to friends with whom they discuss all sorts of other intimate topics. What do you think this is about?
Women just aren't socialized to own their own desires. It starts in junior high, when everyone talks about masturbation. It's totally OK and cool for guys to jerk off, but totally not OK for girls to do it. We get our strongest cultural messages about sexuality in junior high. They may water down as we reach adulthood, but that echo of "you can't have desire" remains hard to shake.

I think it should also be said that lots of women are exhibitionists and get off on imagining themselves as the hot woman in porn - they desire being desired. But we're also disconnected from our own desires in this way, because we hear over and over that it's not OK to feel that way.

Your project is generating a bit of controversy -- mostly around your sexy flyers, which contain images like the one above. And some of your critics are women who are already owning their desire. What's going on here?
The images on the flyers are directly from porn tumblrs that I like. These are the places I surf to when I want to look at porn. My art director came up with something Safe For Work, which conveys the idea of women exploring porn, while still being hot images themselves. I'm a bisexual girl and I find these images hot. I know they don't reflect every woman's sexuality or body type, but they reflect my desires.

I am sensitive to people who feel their sexuality or desires are not depicted here and I do want to stress that Lady Porn Day is for every lady, however you identify. But if my images don't reflect yours, please add the images that you want to see by tweeting them under #ladypornday for the Jilling Off Hall of Fame. The point of this project is to share your porn. These images are just the starting point!

Any final advice for women getting ready to dive in?
Remember that owning your own desire will look different for everyone. There is no one-size-fits-all lady porn and there shouldn't be. Fantasy is not PC. Maybe you like what feminists would call the "male gaze," or what others would call hetero-normative. This doesn't mean you are anti-women. And the more we can talk opening about what we like, what we're afraid off, or what we're concerned about ... the more likely it is that porn for women, or at least porn that cares about the health of its actors, will continue being made.

For more ideas on how to celebrate Lady Porn Day, follow @rabbitwhite on Twitter or click here.

Virginia Sole-Smith is a journalist whose work has appeared in numerous publications including Parents, Slate and The New York Times. She's also the author of the blog Beauty Schooled, where she often looks at how non-lady-friendly porn influences our standards of beauty.

More on MyDaily...
The Science of Single: Dating Tips From a Woman Who Tried Every Method in the Book
'Orgasm Inc': Will You Love or Hate This Documentary About the Search for a Female Viagra?
Women Willing to Give Up Sex, Cellphones, Days Off For Sharp-Dressed Man

-






More on MyDaily...

I Was An Anne Geddes Baby: One Woman Dishes About Her Time on the Cabbage Leaf
How I Realized My Boyfriend Was Gay
Confessions of a Mistress: Cathrine Goldstein Spills Abour Her Decade as a Kept Woman

I was 38 and he was 44. We'd both had difficult first marriages and weren't willing to settle. Neither of us were into playing games, so right off the bat, our conversations were open and honest. We dated for a year before getting engaged, then got married about six months after that in September 2008.

At the time, I knew that Steve had a chronic kidney condition called glomerulonephritis. He had been diagnosed about 15 years earlier, when he landed in the hospital with intense swelling and pain. It's almost like an allergic reaction -- the doctors can't pinpoint an exact cause. But they were able to manage his symptoms and keep his kidneys functioning pretty well through medication. We went to see his doctor for a checkup in December of that year, and they told me that about one-third of patients with this condition are able to live a normal life with medication. I thought, OK, that will be Steve.

When we went back a year later, though, Steve's numbers weren't good. The doctor told us that we would have to start the process of finding a kidney donor. I couldn't believe it. Steve hadn't complained of feeling sick, and here was this doctor suggesting we look for a donor the way you might suggest someone try ketchup with their fries -- like we should have known this would happen. But it had never occurred to me. I know I would have married Steve no matter what, but I still felt blindsided.


Even though he kept saying he didn't feel sick, he was down to between 8 and 10 percent kidney function and had lots of symptoms, like being constantly thirsty and urinating frequently. He would wake up in the middle of the night and need to chug a huge glass of water because the thirst was so bad. His condition had deteriorated so gradually though, he hadn't really noticed. As the doctor put it, Steve had forgotten what it feels like to be healthy.

We knew if we didn't find a donor soon, he would have to go on dialysis to keep his kidneys functioning at all -- and your chances of success with a kidney donation are much higher if you can do it before you need to start.

As soon as I heard we needed a donor, I thought, well of course, I'll get tested! But at the same time, I knew the odds were impossible -- it felt like there was no way we would be a match. To give you an idea, of the 13,156 single kidney transplants performed in 2008, less than half were from living donors. The rest are taken from cadavers. You always hear horror stories about people searching for a donor, so I couldn't believe there was any chance I'd be able to do it.

In February, we went to the hospital to learn how the whole donation process worked and both had tons of blood drawn. About two weeks later, I was driving home from work when Steve called and said, "Guess what? We're a match!"

I started laughing out loud from nerves. "Get the blank out of here!" is pretty much the first thing I managed to say. By the time we went to bed that night, I was crying full-blown tears. It wasn't that I felt trapped -- it just felt so surreal. I couldn't believe that we had beat those odds and I was actually a match for Steve.

From February through the end of May, I was in the hospital several times a month having more blood work and tests to make sure I was healthy enough to be Steve's donor. We also met with social workers and psychiatrists to make sure I could handle the emotional toll. I must have had every part of my body and brain scanned -- it was pretty intense.

Through it all, Steve was by my side at every doctor's appointment. He even stayed with me when I had to have an MRI and really freaked out. At every juncture, he would say, "You don't have to do this -- I won't blame you." He was as gracious as he could have been, but really so much more than I ever expected.

We also had to tell my parents, and our children. This was very difficult -- my family was initially pretty against it because they were so worried for my welfare. My parents kept saying, "We wish there was another way." But we couldn't afford to wait for an anonymous donor and Steve's children were too young to donate -- plus, kidneys don't last forever, and he might need them to donate sometime in the future if there were complications.

"Think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed," I finally told my parents. If I needed a kidney and Steve was a match but unwilling to donate, they'd probably tell me to leave him! That did the trick, and helped them understand why this was so incredibly important to me.

It was hardest on my two sons, who were 14 and 11 at the time. Their father and I divorced when they were pretty young, so it had been just the three of us for a long time. And here I was, potentially sacrificing my life for their step-dad. They like Steve, and of course they didn't want him to die, but he's not their dad. They were very scared and upset.

I also had to come to terms with the fact that donating to Steve meant I'd never be able to donate to one of my own children if they were in need. That was hard for them to hear, but I believe we have to live in the here and now: There's no reason to think my sons will ever need a kidney, whereas Steve's need was immediate. Besides, you'll kill yourself if you think too hard about all the what-ifs.

We had a social worker spend time with the boys and talk through their concerns, which helped some. And I told them, I know this is hard now, but someday, you will look back and say, "Wow, look at what my mom did."

They didn't come around easily, and I didn't take the decision lightly. At one point, when my sons were particularly distraught, I told Steve, "We might need to look into other options -- this could be too hard." But at the same time, I never wavered from the fact that I wanted to donate. I waited seven years to find this man -- I couldn't imagine our future being cut short, or revolving around me taking him to dialysis three times a week for years. We're only in our forties and I wanted us both healthy and able to share our life together.

Our surgery was scheduled for June 8, 2010. I cried hysterically the night before because I was so scared -- I'd never had surgery before. Our kids were all pretty emotional too, and Steve said, "I can't believe I made my favorite people cry today." I just kept saying, "I want to give you my kidney, I just wish there was another way to do it!"

But, the next morning, when it was time to go to the hospital, I was as calm as could be. I guess some part of me knew that the chances of anything going wrong in my surgery were pretty low and it was all going to be OK.

When they do kidney transplants, you both have to be in surgery at the same time. That was also intense for our families. Fortunately, we both came through just fine and spent the next few days recovering in hospital rooms two doors down from each other. (They don't let you share a room because it can impact each spouse's recovery if they're too busy worrying about the other person.) But we would take little walks to each others' rooms to visit, then do laps around the nurses' station, both of us pulling along our IV poles.

My mother stayed with us for a few weeks after the surgery to help with the kids while we recovered, and my dad drove us to the hospital for all the follow-up visits. We both recovered well -- within a few weeks. Even more miraculously, Steve wasn't waking up thirsty anymore and couldn't believe how much better he felt all the time.

When I look back on it now, I mostly just feel lucky that this solution was available to us. In the end, it brought our whole family closer together, especially Steve and myself. We joke that he's more in touch with his feminine side now: The first thing he said to me after we woke up from surgery was, "Why do I have this sudden urge to buy shoes?!"

But in all seriousness, we're both so grateful that we have the future we deserve now. Though Steve sure has a hard time winning an argument now -- we joke about how I can always play the, "but I gave you my kidney!" card.


Virginia Sole-Smith is a journalist whose work has appeared in numerous publications including Parents, Slate and the New York Times. She's also the author of the blog Beauty Schooled. This story was told to her by Jennifer Trow.

---

More from MyDaily:
Is Doing Lunch More Satisfying Than Having Sex? Women Say Yes!
My First Valentine -- Do You Remember Yours?
AOL Poll: 1 in 2 Women Won't Be Doing This on Valentine's Day

More from MyDaily: Love In the USA
Flowers may seem cliché, but most women (and men) wouldn't turn them down on Valentine's Day. We went right to the source to find out the do's and don'ts of sending a bouquet. Click to find out the "Most Wanted" flowers in America.

We're through January now, gang, and that means two things:

1. Every media outlet has run a requisite story about how to achieve your New Year's Resolution weight-loss goal -- because obviously you made one and, like, this time for real. This article suggests it's just a matter of staying organized. Gwyneth Paltrow, in her infinite wisdom, is pushing the 21-Day Elimination Diet. The Special K Challenge wants you to consume just 829 calories per day, most of them via Special K products. Which is handy for them.

2. Feminist writers and bloggers are dutifully carrying out the annual backlash to weight loss-related resolutions. As Feministing's Chloe reminds us, "It's the time of year when women are told, by every mainstream women's media outlet there is, that we must lose weight" in her post about Isabelle Caro (the French model who died a few weeks ago after a long and terribly tragic battle with anorexia). Salon's Mary Elizabeth Williams is upset about Carrie Fisher joining Jenny Craig. Jezebel eye-rolls the resolution-fueled trend of "get Natalie's 'Black Swan' body" workouts. And lots of folks are in a lather about the Florida woman who resolved to look better and then died in the middle of cosmetic surgery.

So here's my thing: I'm a feminist. And I did make a New Year's resolution to lose weight.
I spent the last year juggling a full-time job with 600 hours in beauty school, gained 20 pounds, spent months hating those 20 pounds because I thought they kidnapped my body, then realized that my body is still pretty rad and good at back bends, no matter what the bathroom scale says.

Which was a lovely and positive conclusion, but it's not quite the same conclusion that I'm drawing day-to-day. I'm still sad that my favorite jeans don't fit. Also, my favorite sweaters and dresses and skirts and even boots. Did you know that knee-high boots don't zip up so well if you gain 20 pounds? True story. My small-calved sister is making out like a bandit right now.

At the same time, I really and truly believe that we need to get away from the notion that thin always equals health. So, if you're eating well, exercising regularly, and are free from / able to successfully manage chronic disease and debilitating health problems, then I count you as healthy. Period. No matter what you weigh. Which means I count myself as currently healthy. And so I just have to own it and say: I'm not worried about my health.

I want to lose weight solely for aesthetic reasons.

I figured this out right before the holidays and I've been seriously mad at myself for a few weeks now. Because I feel like a big traitor to the cause. Women do need to stop judging ourselves so harshly by a completely arbitrary and punishing set of beauty standards. It's making us crazy and sick and distracts us from getting on with our lives and saving the world.

All the feminist bloggers getting mad about New Year's resolution dets are pretty dead-on. Natalie Portman has said she worried she might die while training for "Black Swan," so why, exactly, is my inbox filled with press releases promoting the ballet-based workouts that will give me her hungry little body?

But then my very wise friend Amy reminded me that there are shades of gray in all of this. "You are allowed to want to look differently for aesthetic reasons," she told me. "Just not if it's making you miserable!"

Oh. Yes.

Of all the beauty standards running rampant in our culture, weight is hands-down the most powerful (or at least, tied with age and well ahead of other standards, like blond hair, tan skin, and impractical footwear). We've built thinness up to equate health and a good work ethic and a whole host of other non-beauty-related character traits. Which means subscribing to this standard takes the biggest toll.

Still, I think there's something to this idea. And "Just not if it's making you miserable!" is the whole key -- in fact, it may just be the key to whether or not you should let any beauty standard into your life. So far, I've lost two pounds in two weeks that also included several glasses of wine, a brownie or two, and a delicious pasta dish, alongside mountains of whole grains, fruits and vegetables. I'm pretty far from miserable.

But I'm also keeping tabs on that. Because just like I stopped highlighting my hair when $200 hair appointments every six weeks made me miserable for a whole other set of reasons (expense, smell, the fact that I just do not translate to blond), I'm reserving the right to opt out of this standard any time I feel like it. The are-you-miserable math isn't going to add up if I have to go to impossible lengths (and for me, skipping meals or living without chocolate would constitute impossible lengths) or invest an endless amount of time to attain this standard.

All of which is to say: "Black Swan bodies" aside, I'm rethinking my position that all diets are by definition punitive and dangerously anti-woman. After all, telling women they shouldn't want to lose weight is just us imposing yet another external beauty standard, when it's all far more personal and more complicated than that. So I'd like to propose that I can make a New Year's Resolution to lose weight and keep all of my feminist street cred intact.

What do you think? Is it possible to lose weight without giving it so much weight? Or is losing weight for aesthetic reasons just too loaded in our culture?


Virginia Sole-Smith is a journalist, soon-to-be licensed esthetician, and author of the blog Beauty Schooled.